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Give or take a few days, it has been one year since I began graduate school - wow.
Though I've shared most of what has occurred over the past year, I've learned some valuable lessons, many, unfortunately, the hard way. Between TAing, research, classes, homework, and commuting more than a few blocks, I'm so happy just to make it to this day. The transition between undergrad and graduate school was tougher than I envisioned, but I'm not sure exactly why.
Maybe it was the expectations of those who I respect and needed to work well with? I just realized recently that I always get nervous before meetings with my professor because I always feel like I'm headed into an oral test. and I never feel like I do well when I leave. (Though, about two weeks ago, I finally finished the first meeting with my advisor without feeling like I failed my test!)
Maybe it was trying to get a new project off the ground with the weight of it being my entire thesis hanging over my head. New projects at NASA always had an end date - I couldn't work on it past my 10 wk internship and typically nobody continued my projects into the fall, so if it didn't work, oh well! Now, if something doesn't work, it means I may not graduate in the time I have remaining on my funding.
Maybe it was because my head knew that public school undergrads were different from my private school undergrads, but my heart didn't get the message - it was difficult to see the students not care and remain disengaged with the material of the courses I TAed for the whole quarter. This one aspect that turns me off of teaching for a career - how do you work with students who just don't want to be there? (yes, I know it happens at schools like SPU, but it wasn't as obvious to me. They at least knew they were paying lots of money, so some effort was required.) I respect great teachers all the more, as I know they work hard to keep their courses interesting and engaging for all levels of students.
Maybe it was the giant qualifying exam I faced right before the new school year started - memorizing has never been my strong suit and I literally memorized a textbook. This one, in fact:
(I think I actually realized at that moment that my sound was on in the super quiet reading room in the library - whoops! It still expresses the overwhelming task memorizing 700+ pages of information!) It was not small task - the test itself lasted ~4.5 hours :/ (However, I just found out that I squeezed by and passed the exam! Yay for not having to re-take it!) Since I've checked off all my core coursework, the next step is will be to give an presentation (followed by an oral examination via questions) and then I will actually be an official PhD candidate. Fingers crossed that goes well, it will hopefully happen in the next few months!
So, yeah, overall - it was a rough transition. But at the same time, I do really like my project, I like what I'm learning, MSE is definitely where I'm supposed to be, and I'm super super excited that I'm now fully funded through one of NASA's graduate research programs! (the NASA Space Technology Research Fellowship, to be precise). I love the flexibility of graduate school and I'm finally starting to get trained on a bunch of instruments, so my research is becoming increasingly more interesting. I'm trying to capitalize on my current enthusiasm and work a bit longer hours to get more things completed :) Only taking one class is also totally awesome. I'm not looking forward to home-work laden classes again, though I know there are a few more to come.
I'm still not sure where I want to work for a career, though I feel like I'm asked that quite consistently - industry, academia, and a government lab are all still options :) Finally, this year has started off much, much better and I can only express my sincerest thanks to all of my friends and family members, close-by and far off for putting up with me and helping to keep me sane last year!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
