Q2

Today marks the first day of my second quarter in grad school. wow.

I met all the students I'll be TA-ing for over the course of the quarter: 38 boys and 8 girls. I guess that is engineering for you. Interestingly, all the TAs are women. Hopefully I didn't scare/annoy them too much with my page-long email and extra work I just assigned....it's going to be a fun quarter.

I think, however, that the most interesting part of my quarter is going to be this intro/get-everyone-up-to-speed photovoltaics course I'm taking from the Chem E department. I realized as my prof was giving his intro lecture that I had already read and cited a paper he wrote in my quarter report and some of my fellowship applications. Pretty sure I wasn't aware that the author of that paper was at the UW. Mainly, I'm just more excited than ever to work in the renewable/alternative energy sector. Solar is a very viable technology for energy independence, good stewardship of our natural resources, etc, etc, etc. While sitting through this class, I was almost overwhelmed (that sounds more dramatic than reality) with excitement that I possibly get to spend my career researching solar energy conversion. Kind of nerdy, I know, but I'm slowly realizing that I'd be very okay with staying in the solar sector. There are just so many interesting aspects - from the materials, to the processing, the device design; even energy policy is something I've been looking into .

favorite picture from the intro lecture:

notice the color over seattle? yeah. I just laughed when this popped up.

probably going to have to move to do this solar energy career. 

not biking

has been harder than I expected. I keep wanting to ride my bike, but then I remember there is ice on the roads in my hometown. And that my bike is still in Seattle. I refuse to ride a stationary bike and I'm so tempted right now to get a trainer for my lovely road bike, but I think my roommates wouldn't be too happy with a bike in our living room :)

Anyways, here are some funny bike (and pedestrian) related haikus I stumbled upon while procrastinating on finishing my DOE fellowship application:

also. watch this video. it's strangely fascinating. and scary.

3-Way Street from ronconcocacola on Vimeo.

I would also like to point out that in NYC, people stand in the street while waiting to cross. You could clearly pick me out as a non-new yorker when I was in the city a few week ago because I stood on the sidewalk. In seattle, our streets are too narrow to stand in the road! alas, I found myself the day after I returned to seattle waiting in the street more than once.....

{vulnerabilty}

tonight, I stumbled upon a TED talk entitled The power of vulnerability by Brene Brown from the University of Houston. this women is right up my alley - a researcher who likes to measure and quantify everything. This might not all sound coherent, but the talk resonated with me and I wanted to share it.

What really struck me was how she defined part of vulnerability as doing 'something where there is no guarantee.' This isn't a huge revelation, I just have never considered it in those terms. I can do that with with my research because I have always understood that there are no 'right' answers in chemistry; there is no guarantee of a successful reaction. After writing that, I'm not entirely sure why I still love my work and why I continually show up to lab each day, but it may be partly because the chemicals can't talk back. I can't hurt them or be hurt by them. 


People, however, have always been a different story. I have come to realize that I consciously will keep part of myself from people, in a way, shielding myself. Goodness, that sounds cliché, but really, who doesn't? Many days I envy people like my lovely roommate, who I see as a more open and vulnerable person. People (including me) respond to her; she has connections/relationships with so many people and they're not just surface level relationships. She embodies the type that 'realize the vulnerability and tenderness are important, and they surrender and walk into it' that Brown discusses in her talk. Maybe it's because she's a poet. I could count my friends in high school on half of one hand, partially because I never felt like I could be even somewhat vulnerable with the people around me. But that could just be high school culture. I changed a bit in college, consciously trying to invest in others by being open with them, I can see where that has changed me and I am more aware of how I interact with people, the 'level' of vulnerable I am with them. I couldn't tell you why I'm not very open with others - I have grown up surrounded by a loving and supportive family and I know that I am loved, accepted and redeemed by Christ just as I am. I guess it just what it is; I can only keep working on how to be vulnerable with others. Again, college has been helpful, especially the honors program,  healthily introducing gray in my life, into what I thought were set-in-stone beliefs. I'm learning to live in those gray spaces, becoming more comfortable with non-definite answers, but I know that when I can, I tend to create more defined borders. I like rules, I like guidelines, I am uncomfortable with just 'going with the flow' or taking initiative with people. Though, you probably wouldn't believe me if you saw the order-less state of my room, clothes tossed everywhere :) My heart knows vulnerability is important - vital - to community with people, the church, Christ; but my mind frequently stops my words and actions from moving to that place.


so tonight, I pray for the ability to be vulnerable with myself, with others, with Christ. 

Right Stuff, Wrong Sex

Recently, I finished reading Right Stuff, Wrong Sex by Margaret Weitekamp. With the subtitle of ‘America’s First Women in Space Program,’ I initially thought that the text would center around the women who were tested as potential astronauts. However, this book proved to discuss the background and development of Dr. William Randolph "Randy" Lovelace’s Women in Space testing program, the political backlash against the program, and the general cultural beliefs that stopped women from being a part of the Mercury and Apollo programs. *Lovelace’s facility in Albuquerque became NASA’s medical center, mainly because he was a leader in aviation medicine and working on developing a space medicine research program.

Remember that the early space program began before the women’s lib movement, so any consideration of a female for an astronaut could be assumed to be tricky. What was surprising to learn was how under-the-table Lovelace’s program had to operate because of the hostility he faced in the political sphere. I was shocked to find out that President Johnson (Johnson Space Center in Houston, TX is named after him) was very much against female astronauts. A scribbled note from him in response to an inquiry about female candidates from NASA’s Administrator is one of the only bits of a paper trail recording the hostility of those in Washington against the women. Instead of his name, he signed 'Let's end this now!' in the space at the end of his note.  

Overall, 25 female pilots were tested by Lovelace and 13 passed the week-long physical examination. Only three women were able to go on to further testing, the not-so-official program was ‘officially’ cancelled only 5 days before the rest of the women were scheduled to fly to Pensacola, FL for psychological testing. This was actually a most interesting test of how potential astronauts handled total isolation: they floated in a pool, in a darkened room for as long as the possibly could. Both the air and the water temperature were matched exactly to the women’s body temperature, so apparently they didn’t even feel the water when they splashed it!

I found myself frequently frustrated with the lack of support for the women. The cultural standards and expectations for women could be used against them – one women was in a congressional hearing testifying for female astronaut candidates, was photographed with her heels off under the table and that breech in expected etiquette was used to discredit her whole testimony. The women found themselves with unsupportive employers, as many lost their jobs when they left to be tested. Even the man running the physical testing, Lovelace, did not envision these women as astronauts in the same sense as male candidates. He expected that once space had been initially ‘colonized,’ women would be needed as lab technicians, secretaries, and space ‘homemakers.’ Ugh. Even the most forward-thinking men of the time couldn’t get past the traditional gender roles that permeated the American culture.

The tested women were all incredible pilots, most with numerous flying records to their name and countless hours of flying time. However, one of NASA’s requirements kept women out of the pilot’s seat on any space-based aircraft for years to come: they had to have hours flying a jet aircraft. At that point in time, only the military flew jets and the military did not allow women to fly anything after the short-lived WASP program. So, regardless of how much they fought to become candidates, the women could always be pushed out because there was absolutely no way they could get the time they needed in a jet. Some women even considered trying to privately fund the purchase and flying of a jet, but that didn’t go anywhere in the end.

I was just slightly overwhelmed with the walls and roadblocks that these women faced in their campaign to fly to space. It made me more than thankful to live in 2011, when even though I still feel the cultural constraints of being a women in science, I have supporters. NASA so destroyed the hopes of accomplished women for becoming astronauts that they had to hire Nichelle Nichols, Uhura from Star Trek, to recruit females and other minorities to the shuttle astronaut core. Even then, as Weitekamp points out in the epilogue, there existed a two-track system for the astronaut core: one for PhDs and MDs, called ‘mission specialists,’ and one for pilots. There were a number of women who flew on the shuttles before a female was actually selected to command and pilot a shuttle mission.

FLATs (First Lady Astronaut Trainees) at one of Eileen Collins' launches on the space shuttle. Collins was the first woman to pilot the shuttle. 

Really, this was a most interesting book and fascinating read. I’m returning it to the library soon, so you should pick it up and read it. While I was initially interested in because it was about early female astronaut candidates, it really is a book anyone interested in gender equality or even history of aviation medicine should read. It spun out of the author’s thesis and is a well written book. Not too long either, I finished it in just 3 days by the pool :)

*sigh*

I made it through the first quarter of grad school. I'm still in good standing GPA-wise - the only reason I care about my GPA is for fellowships and getting into the dual-degree Nanotech PhD program the UW offers. Otherwise, all I care about is learning. And learn I did, this past quarter. Nothing like trying to also learn everything possible about basic EE things/photovoltaics on top of learning all sorts of new topics because I switched from Chemistry to Materials. Interestingly, I found that my chemistry background was more helpful than I anticipated (I guess that's why it's called 'the central science'! :) ), serving as an intro to topics that we delved into more deeply/mathematically into throughout my courses.

I will say, however, that even though the quarter was full of stress, I love Materials Science and Engineering and definitely believe it is the right field for me. What I still don't know is what I want to do after graduation - work in industry, for a government lab, or in academia, but I'm willing to sit on that decision for a while, discerning the Lord's will for my career.

everyone says this quarter is the worst in our department (mainly thanks to the class my advisor teaches....) - so here's hoping that next quarter goes swimmingly!  

 {currently, I'm de-stressing in southern CA with my family, where there is plenty of sun and no alarm clocks}

Mainly, I want to thank the fantastic girls in my house for supporting me day-to-day as I figure out this grad school thing. I know that I'm frequently absent from the house community and you girls saw a bunch of low moments in the quarter, but I so so so appreciate you all and I wanted to let you know!

 {also. thank you for the frosting and cookies. you know how to fuel my sleepless and stressful nights.}

 

I should also thank my fellow SPU alums, Natalie Closner and Marissa Maharaj for releasing music this year - your albums were on perpetual repeat when I was scrambling to finish all my reports!

{marissa maharaj}

{natalie closner}

{you all should take a listen, if you haven't already!}

Alvin Ailey {NYC Day/part 3}

Finally, at the very end of Wednesday evening I was able to see on of the most incredible dance performances I have ever seen - a rep of three pieces by the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre. For some reason, Ailey II came to Ellensburg a number of years ago and I remember being very impressed with their dance, even through it was so different from my own preferred style of classical ballet. I knew I did not want to see Nutcracker – performing in 5 times made it surprisingly uninspiring to watch (besides, I don’t think they do student rush tickets), and none of the broadways shows that offered student rush tickets really stood out to me. I’m not quite sure what brought it to mind, but I had a faint recollection that Alvin Ailey was in NYC. The best bonus – student rush tickets were only $10 during the holiday season. Ten dollars for one of the most engaging evenings of dance?!!!! This quickly became the most important must-do for my free day.

And what a performance! The theatre (the New York City Center) was built in such a way that our seats gave a steep sightline, but they were close enough that we could make out facial expressions and other nuances without the aid of binoculars. Hannah asked the ticket guy for centered seats, which is always a plus, and I actually do prefer balcony seats, patterns and specific spatial movements are always more impactful when viewed from up high.

{Hannah thinks the theatre is a converted Jewish (?) theatre, mainly because of the motifs present on the walls/perccenum arch – star of David, protective hands, etc. It was beautiful!}

The set of three pieces was diverse and engaging, ranging from telling the story of a Haitian painter to a piece set entirely to gospel spirituals. It so happens that last night’s run was probably the best set for the week (on a Wednesday – weird) because it included the full cast of 50 dancers performing Revelations.

The first piece, about the Haitian painter, Hector Hyppolite, was entitled The Prodgial Prince. This piece had very distinctive costumes, with both Haitian and African influences. There was a strong storyline that was generally followable, though there were some characters I did not understand - like a masked man in a costume covered in long swishy rustling grass-like stuff, reminiscent of Nick Cave’s Sound Suits, just not as tall. They mixed in some projections of what I assume is the actual artist’s work at the end and the lighting in general really set off the piece and aided in telling the story. Sometimes I forget about how important the non-dance parts of the performance are to creating an engaging environment.

The second piece, called Forgotten Time, showcased softer movements and lots of remarkable partnering. Being a modern dance company, all of the dancers are built distinctly different than the classical dancers I usually see (basically modern = way more muscular, both men and women) and the ease of how they partnered was inspiring to watch. It never looked like anyone exerted any effort to life another person, guy or girl. The men made it look completely easy to just lift a female up sideways, swing her upside down, and then pop her up around his shoulders. Again and again and again. The moments of stillness also stood out to me, which I only appreciate now because I have watched my own performances and wish that I could re-perform them, incorporating brief moments of stillness. It really just anchors a piece and allows the audience to keep up with dance, otherwise I find myself sometimes overwhelmed with movement. I also really liked the fact that this set of pieces began and ended in silence. Just listening to footfalls on the marley, the swishing of arms, thuds from the jumps, and the coordinated exhaling was, in a way, very peaceful. The set also ended and began with the same patterns and movements, giving this interesting cyclical feeling, almost like a day had passed and we watched them dance through the day, starting with sunrise and finishing with the sunset. I don’t honestly know what the inspiration was for the piece or the actual story they told through the movements (it was not detailed in the program) but I thoroughly enjoyed the pieces. 

Forgotten Time from AlvinAileyAmericanDanceTheater on Vimeo.

And Revelations. Wow. I got goosebumps during every single piece. That doesn’t usually happen (it happened when I saw PNB perform Wheeldon’s After the Rain pas de duex earlier this year, but it rarely happens). I was engaged, encouraged, invigorated, and just plain excited through these pieces. They made me want to find a dance studio the next day and get back in class. The dancer’s energy was incredible and felt all the way up in the balcony – I just don’t know how else to explain this breathtaking experience. The emotional spiritual music combined with the powerful artistry of the company dancers created a phenomenal and thoroughly engaging performance. Fortunately, Alvin Ailey has allowed much of their work to be taped and (maybe unfortunately for them) many of the pieces have made their way on to the internet. While the experience is not nearly as remarkable as seeing the pieces performed in person, you should take time to watch these clips: (if you only want to watch one, watch the last clip)

 gah. I still get goosebumps and all emotional when I watch those clips…

You should also see the company perform if you EVER get a chance. I looked, they are not coming to Seattle this coming year, but next time they do – want to join?

A Day in NYC {part two}

MoMA was next on my NYC to-do. I’m pretty sure most of my family wouldn’t enjoy this museum (maybe my dad), but I really liked most of it! I really didn’t have a plan and with limited time, I didn’t get to see everything (somehow I managed to miss seeing Van Gogh’s Starry Nights L) but I did get to see the font exhibit that I had read about!! (I’m somehow on MoMA’s email list….) It was a part of their installation called Standard Deviations: Types and Families in Contemporary Design which encompassed more than just the fonts, but the basic idea was iterations of similar things. For example, they had a bunch of old Macs, all derived from the original one and a Smart car, which apparently you can replace the outside color by just ordering new plastic pieces. I really don’t think I’d fit well in smart car. The wide range of fonts they chose to showcase was also interesting, as was learning more about the history of each font. Yes, I’m a nerd - I also enjoyed watching the Helvetica documentary…you should watch it as well!

 

{fonts!}

I also stumbled upon their de Kooning retrospective, which had way to many galleries and I accidently started in the middle when it was arranged chronologically. I was not able to take pictures, but here is an example of his work:

 

{I actually really loved this piece, which surprised even myself}

Much of it was really really abstract, though one informational wall did say that he felt it necessary to put in at least one faintly recognizable shape (a house outline and a solitary finger in one piece) to kind of ‘anchor’ the viewer. I found that I just enjoyed the colors that he used and didn’t try to over analyze any painting. Many of the works were very large and I think they would be wonderful in a house that has large blank walls, bringing color and interest into a space without strictly defining it.

After spending only ~2.5 hours in there, I grabbed another subway to Cooper Union to see the installation by Celeste Pfau, Hannah’s friend. Called The Moss Phase, it was kind of a confusing exhibit for me, mainly because I didn’t even know the title at the time, let alone any background, but I really liked one particular installation:

It evoked this image of a family tree in a very dynamic fashion and I was fascinated by the faces hanging, softly illuminated from the dropped lightbulb.

I was also reminded of my roommates, Kali, Jenni, and Steph, when I saw this tent:

Not only would they go in, I felt that they would create a very similar space.

I was most impressed with the repeated leaf prints woven throughout the exhibit, the detail and fine features found in even the smallest prints was fantastic! I wanted all the little cards on the wall….

Next came the adventure of finding B & H Dairy, this Ukrainian place Hannah said I had to try. Now, if you know me and my lack of initiative in trying new foods, you might be surprised that I actually found this place and ate exactly what Hannah told me to get. There are a large number of Ukrainian places along the same street and I almost when to the wrong one, but it looked too nice to be the place Hannah described. B&H place was very much a hole-in-wall and the man who probably owns it clearly recognized me as not knowing what I was supposed to do/order. He kindly gave me a menu, but I had neglected to write down what exactly Hannah told me to get, but apparently the ‘something like dumplings?’ description was sufficient. I also got the hot borsht – a beet based soup, which unexpectedly came with Challah bread. There was so. much. food. And I wasn’t even that hungry, but I knew I had to try it before I left town.

{pierogies, borscht, and challah bread}

The bright red borscht was surprisingly good, I would totally eat it again. Not sure I could every make it, but I liked it. The challah bread was delicious, of course, but even better when dipped in the soup. The dumpling things, called pierogies apparently, were interesting. I got them fried (the guy asked me, ‘do you want them steamed or fried? Healthy or….good?’ I laughed and said definitely fried. I love fried foods….) they were these little fried cakes stuffed with a variety of things. I couldn’t bring myself to try to saurerkraut-mushroom one, mainly because I don’t like either of those food items. I did try the potato, cheese, and spinach perogies, of which I like the spinach ones the best, probably because they also had onions in them J. The potato was also good, but was kind of a lot of drier items with the outside part being of a similar texture. The cheese was my least favorite – I really didn’t like whatever cheese they put in it, but Hannah likes those, so she got them when we met up for the Ailey show J. Overall, it was a really good meal and I’m am really tempted to try to find a place in seattle similar to it (and the indian roll place!) but am pretty sure I’ll be unsuccessful. 

After quickly eating as much as I could (I finished both the borsht and the bread), I hopped another subway north and went to the Ailey show! Ailey show is going to be the whole next post :)