so. tired.

I'm not sure I've ever been as exhausted as I have been every single day for the past week. up early, up late, never getting my list all checked off, etc, etc, etc. I faintly remember being this exhausted during my microgravity experience, as that was also one of the most stress-filled times of my life.

my solar cells class just completely took over my life. I'm sure my test scores are not going to reflect either my effort or my learning in this class, as I started from such an elementary level that learning everything this quarter was just too much to ask. I've accepted that fact and plan to spend time next quarter and over the summer slowly going back over the course material, hopefully learning it in such a way that I begin to think intuitively about how changes to my solar cells will affect their output.

speaking of which, I'm writing this while waiting for the software needed to run the solar cell simulation software I need to finish my last homework assignment. I found out that of the two programs that I could use, only one kind of runs on mac - thank goodness I never uploaded my older laptop, the software won't run on Lion. the second software only runs on Windows, so now I'm downloading an emulator that will hopefully run the software. I'd like to avoid dual-booting my computer, as I think the Windows OS is only going to eat up my HD space. I rarely use .exe programs anymore. Like 2 in the past 5+ years.

oh. looks like it's done downloading now. fingers crossed I can get this to work!

{unrelated Hubble pic. apparently this is the 'bubble nebula'}

fine. and other words.

lately, I've noticed a pattern in my response to the questions "how are you doing today?" or "how was your day?" Mainly, that I just respond with "fine," regardless of who asks the question. I'm tired of only saying 'fine', but I also don't even know how to articulate my emotions and perspective to myself, let alone to others. So, I guess until I find new words, 'fine' will have to suffice.

on a lighter note, I recently found a site called Futility Closet, which is just full of funny/random things, and they had great section called 'language,' where I found the following words:

cunctator - n. a procrastinator.

perpilocutionist - n. one who expounds on a subject of which he has little knowledge.

charrette - n. a final, intensive effort.

apricity - n. the warmth of the sun in winter.

though they are not adjectives, I feel like all four words describe me/my life in recent times.

yes, sometimes I even feel like a perpilocutionist when I talk about solar cells. I know (most of) the words, but am still nailing down true understanding. (also - anyone know how to pronounce that word? or any of those words??)

-------

Unrelated to the words theme, but I always find it funny when sites like xkcd or phdcomics have cartoons that so elegantly illustrate situations I am currently experiencing. This one for example, published this past Monday, has been my life for the past half a week with my mathematica solar cells homework:

=^.^=

 

I think there might be two-ish weeks left the quarter?? Maybe? I have no earthly idea if or when I might have a final in either my solar or defects class....probably should get on top of that. 

so much left to do.

anyways, here's to the extra day - it's been fun, February 29.

{apollo's angels}

Ballet...was a system of movement as rigorous and complex as any language. Like Latin or ancient Greek, it had rules, conjugation, declensions. Its laws, moreover, were not arbitrary; they corresponded to laws of nature. Getting it "right" was not a matter of opinion or taste: ballet was a hard science with demonstrable physical facts. It was also, and just as appealingly, full of emotions and the feelings that come with music and movement. It was blissfully mute, like reading. Above all, perhaps, there was the exhilarating sense of liberation that came when everything worked.


- a PhD graduate student in physics to the author of apollo's angels. 


probably one of my favorite descriptions of ballet.

{via ballerina project}

Imaginary Number

The mountain that remains when the universe is destroyed
is not big and is not small.
Big and small are

comparative categories, and to what
could the mountain that remains when the universe is destroyed
be compared?

Consciousness observes and is appeased.
The soul scrambles across the screes.
The soul,

like the square root of minus 1,
is an impossibility that has its uses.

{BY VIJAY SESHADRI}

single. and perfectly fine with it.

tomorrow may be valentines day, but tomorrow will just be another tuesday for me - most likely getting frustrated with my kids in lab (though this group seems promising, fingers crossed that they exponentially increase in preparedness by the time lab starts!) and tomorrow the first batch of the new prospective grad students come!

and right now, I'm single, and perfectly okay with it.

my family loves me,
my friends love me,
Jesus loves me,
and that's good enough for today.

I can focus on investing in all the wonderful relationships I already have with family/friends and stay focused on school/research stuff - as my grad school friend always says, "boys are bad for grades" and goodness knows I need all the focus I can get to pass this solar cells class! I'm not opposed to dating; I'm just not going to go out in search of someone right now.

however, I may stay off facebook for the rest of the day - I can only take so many "I love/am blessed by [insert name here] so much! love my hubby/wife!" status updates in one day. also side note - the term 'hubby' - can't stand it. at all.

I'll probably wear my awesome new red trousers in honor of the spirit of the day, but then again, red is just my favorite color, so maybe it doesn't count...

I do however, love these adorable kitties:

golf and climbing.

I am not a competitive person when it comes to sports. I think it's because I only trained in classical ballet until the last half of my senior year and the studio I trained with fostered a very positive non-competitive atmosphere. Granted, we still had 'auditions' for new ballets, but I highly doubt anything that happened that day drastically changed my teacher's casting. Once my studio closed, I took up golf and now I go rock climbing.

(I couldn't find any pictures of me/my golf team online, so you'll have to immagine me in a slightly weird green khaki capri pant and a slightly-too-short navy polo with a golf ball on fire embroidered on the left chest area. oh, and don't forget my sweet golf shoes with argyle details :) )

And I've come to the realization that the reason I think that the reason I enjoy both golf and climbing competitions is because even though there is a competitive end, both involve lots of walking/waiting and chatting pleasantly with your competitors. Rock climbing even involves total strangers/competitors helping you through bouldering problems. I know I may be the only one who views these sports in this light (and consequently why I'm not the greatest at either activity) but since I still enjoy playing golf and climbing rock walls, I'm okay with my non-competitiveness.

if you look at the above pic, you can clearly see that I don't fit the typical (short) hipster climber mold. it made the comp just more entertaining for people watching.

see? I'm wearing a shirt with sleeves and it's from NASA. yep yep.